almost 2!

     I cannot even believe it! In less than a week my sensational little guy is going to be two! TWO!!!

     I keep thinking back to when he was first born and all the crazy that went on back then. I think about my pregnancy and how Samual was unlikely to make it at one point, how my body was fighting against him. I can't help but think about how there was a time that I wasn't sure my little baby would be here today. Here we are two year later and my little guy is here and so very very awesome.

     I look at him and cant help but think "its all worth it". He really is the light of my life and despite everything we've been through with his dad, moving away from family, meeting Jd, Samual's diagnosis and just getting through it all together, I know I have the best son ever. My life has truly been better because my life has been blessed with his life. Every meltdown and battle and every bit of craziness that goes on in our home is totally worth it.

     We are throwing him a birthday party the day after his birthday. I have planned out every detail to try to make it easier on him. We are having the party in a park to help with his issues of being around too many people in too small of a space. Being outside will also help Samual be able to walk away if he's too overwhelmed. We are also having games that Samual will enjoy as they use a lot of visual and touch activities. Jd and I are going to get Samual a sweater he has been wanting that is soft and large to help with his clothing issues. We are also getting him large puzzle pieces as per Samual's speech therapists suggestions. We are trying not to overwhelm him with too many new things as he is not one to enjoy a lot of new toys. He's very happy playing with the few things he does have.

     Honestly this whole birthday thing is overwhelming me, trying to make everything perfect for Samual. We are trying very hard to make it all work and still learning all of his sensory triggers and we are not perfect but we are going to give it our all and hope it all works out.

Until next time,

Kisses are the new hugs

     Over the last several months, a number of things have happened. I have changed my way of thinking and the way that I am dealing with all the changes. Samual has adapted more and more as I have made changes to help him cope better with our daily life and I honestly feel that finally understanding him is truly bringing us closer.

     Sometime around three weeks ago I was sitting on the couch watching a movie while Samual sat on the couch next to me. I see him struggling to get off the couch and run into his room. Seconds later Samual jumps on my lap laughing hysterically. He proceeds to climb on me and put his legs over my lap and grabs each side of my cheek and pulls my face into his. At first I thought he'd surely lost his mind as he rarely gets this close to anyone and he was still laughing hysterically. Suddenly he stops laughing and smacks his face into mine and begins to make a humming sound followed by pulling his face away again to laugh some more.

     Honestly, it took me a little longer than it should have to figure out what had possessed my son to do such an out of character thing. After the second time of doing his strange motions I realized he was giving me a kiss. I even began to chuckle a little as my silly boy was grabbing my face and pulling it to his again. As he gets closer, I hum as he does and then let out a rather loud "MUAH!" I seriously thought he was going to fall off of my lap as he threw himself backwards and laughed harder than I'd seen him laugh in ages. We continued this pattern 3 or 4 times more before he got bored and jumped off my lap to play in his room.

     Over the last several weeks hes begun to give kisses often, even kissing the neighbor girl at one point. Which I'm sure you can imagine I was mortified and laughing at the same time. My son the anti-cuddler has learned to kiss and he thinks he's so clever when he does it. Little does he know, it is the best thing ever for his mamma. I finally have a second of closeness with my son and he's initiated it.

Until next time,