Rough

     Bad days happen in this house. In fact they happen fairly often. We have good days too but today I am going to talk about bad days, not because I want to focus on it but because I need to let it out.

     The past two days have been bad days. I mean the kind of days where pulling out my hair isn't even enough. These past two days have been super hard and I can't even begin to say how much I have cried or just sat on the couch staring at the wall for a minute. Its days like this that I pray the most. I cry and I pray.

     Bad days are the days when I ask God why. I ask God why me, why my child? I wonder on these days why in the world did this have to happen to us. Honestly its days like this that I spend moments pitying myself and before you judge me let me finish.

     Having a child with an invisible illness or "special needs" is a journey in self discovery if there ever was one. Its a discovery in figuring out how strong you are and who you truly are in times of rough patches. Times like this can make or break your marriage, they can show you who your true friends are and show you how much your family truly supports you. Times like this can make or break a persons religious beliefs and bring out the best and worst of a person.

     Lately in my prayers I have been sad I guess, wondering what this all means and whats next. I haven't heard a whole lot of answers like what to do but I have heard one phrase over and over again. "I got this." I think sometimes when things are going well we forget that God has got this. He has us in his hands and it's going to be okay. Nothing stays awful forever and life goes on no matter what the circumstances.

     I guess what I am trying to say is bad days happen, they happen a lot. It sucks when they do and because I'm human, I cry and sometimes I scream and sometimes I do nothing at all but I handle them the best I am equipped to handle them. I just pray that tomorrow will be better and I will be more equipped tomorrow to handle tomorrow.

Peace and Love,
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