The first time I heard "your child may have Autism" I cried hysterically. I threw a fit, I yelled and hit things, I cried to my parents and both of Samual's dads. I basically lost it. Of course my son will never know any of that unless he some day reads this blog. I coped with the possibility of Autism, the way I needed to cope. No one ever expects to hear those five words and everyone deals with them differently.
In March of this year Samual's therapists started to mention testing more and more often. It went from being mentioned once or twice over 8 months to being mentioned every couple weeks or even sometimes, many times in one week. Personally I was not ready for this at all however I knew the conversation about testing needed to take place so Justin and I sat down to compromise and after a long discussion we decided to start the process in July. When July came my stomach got knots and I knew I wasn't ready but the time was upon us and it was important that we start it as the process takes several months.
On Monday of last week Justin, Jd and I all went to the pediatric psychology office together. We were funneled into a tiny room and all sat on a couch together to talk about our boy. My heart raced and my mouth did too. We answered every question and waited for answers.
My understanding of this initial appointment was to determine whether further testing was needed. As in does he have the markers for Autism or not?
The appointment ended and the psychologist let us know that Samual would need to be tested. He will go through a 2-3 hour testing period while Justin and I fill out paperwork and answer further questions. A month after being tested Samual will receive a diagnosis. The psychologist did say that its possible Samual won't be diagnosed but when I asked what the likely hood of an Autism diagnosis was he said "extremely likely." However he did ensure me that without seeing Samual himself he personally can't give me a diagnosis right now.
Myself and both of Samual's dads seemed to walk away feeling validated about everything we have done up to this point. It was made very clear that we are ahead of the curve. Many families walk in there with no plan in place and in the very beginning of everything whereas we have been working with Samual for a year and began this at a very young age in his life.
In December of this year we will have a diagnosis and as much as I want to say it doesn't matter, it does. Will it change how I feel about my son? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! Will it change how others treat him? I hope not. Will it change anything at all? Somethings but not much. So why does it matter? I wish I could answer that question but I can't right now because I don't know how.
I love my son and I am so proud of all of the new things he is accomplishing and I am so happy with how much he improves every day. Samual is my pride and joy and I only want the best life for him that is possible.
peace and love,
Jacquie
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