My son is NOT Adam Lanza

     It snowed today which meant all I wanted to do was sit on the couch, sip hot cider and read. While I wasn't able to do much of that during the day I did finally get the chance shortly before putting Sami to bed.I curled up with a warm blanket and my kindle while Sami watched his favorite before bed movie. I decided to waste the last few minutes before he goes to bed on facebook. Scrolling through, I notice that a SPD page I follow had shared an article that stated in bold letters "PLEASE DO NOT SHARE THIS ARTICLE". I saw a little blurb of what it was about and my heart started to beat faster. The one thing I have feared since December, Adam Lanza had sensory processing disorder.

     I opened the article and took a deep breathe as I started to read. Fear began to fill my mind and I began to run far too many thoughts through it at once.

 How many people have read this?

What are they thinking?

My son is not this man but how many think he could be?

What is this going to do to our community of SPD children?

What kind of publicity is this going to give us?

     Let me be clear, I know not every one will read that article and think badly of all SPD children. However I think back to so many times something horrible has happened in our society and immediately it turns to mental illness, race, religion, ect. Society often hates what they cannot understand and up until this moment, sensory processing disorder has been a silent illness.

     There are many in the community of sensory parents that have tried to spread awareness, myself included. We try to tell others and explain this neurological disorder however it has been mostly ignored. Now it will not be ignored. We're not going to be ignored anymore, but this is NOT the way any of us wanted for awareness to be spread.

      My son is my world, my whole world. The little boy I write about on this blog is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He makes me smile even when he's not smiling and even though I have to ask for every hug or kiss I receive, they are the best hugs and kisses in the world even if they last less than a second. My son rarely cuddle, nor does he appreciate being touched much. He is not the most social child on the planet and does revert into himself from time to time. Despite all this, my son brings joy to so many around him.

      Samual is not his disorder, just as any other sensory child or adult is not their disorder. Samual can become anything he wants, he can love anyone he wants and can do anything he wants. My son will be affected by many factors as he grows into a young man that have nothing to do with his disorder. He will be affected by the way his other parents and I raised him, by the way he is treated by peers, by the education he receives, by the events that occur in his life and many other factors. Samual is not his disorder, he is an accumulation of life events, love, friendships and so much more untold ventures along the way.

     Just as my son, is not his disorder, Adam Lanza was not his. I can not even begin to speculate who he was or why he did the horrible things he did, but I can be certain, his disorder did not cause him to act out in such a violent, tragic way in the same way that I am certain that my son is a wonderful joyful person.